shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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