Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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