we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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