hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
