i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
