Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
