I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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