Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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