Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
