This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
