Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
