Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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