If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
