I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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