She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
