It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
