so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize