And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize