no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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