my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love you.
Bad choice
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
