can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
