I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
