Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
