i would punch a child for taco bell
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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