capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
