We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
