Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
