The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
