I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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