My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize