Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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