So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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