woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
