Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
