God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
