do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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