some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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