I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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