Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
40s are totally the cure
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
