I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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