i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
