By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
