I love black thongs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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