can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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