Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
