Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
