She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize