i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
