Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize