don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Holy shit dude........stairs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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