On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
