I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
