Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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