Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
