you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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