Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
