I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
