I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
