I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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