I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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