Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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