it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
