i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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