I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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