and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize