My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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