K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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