You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize