im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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