This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its not stalking. its research.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
