whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
