Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
