Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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