how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
