i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
